Day 28: Beachside epiphany

As I was sitting on the beach today, looking out upon the messy, choppy waves, I had a thought. Surfers seem to have a kind of zen experience whenever they enter the waves. You seem them running down the beach toward the water, pausing only to zip up a wetsuit, or attach the lead, and they're off. They cannot wait to get into the water, and once there, seem reluctant to get out. I can't surf, but I do know what it's like to get lost in the motion of the waves. I don't get that sense of purpose that surfers seem to have, though, where they hate to be away from the coast for an extended period of time.

It made me wonder. What I am I passionate about to that extent? Putting aside family and education, seriously: what am I passionate about?

I couldn't think of anything. I could think of things I enjoy, sure, but that I absolutely need?

That worried me slightly. I thought of the things that I enjoy (and value), and realised how much I tend to push them aside for other things that I still might enjoy, but don't value to nearly the same extent. (There is soo a metaphor in there about the food choices I make.) How I will spend hours a day on the computer, but leave my reading til bedtime when I get through two and a half pages before falling asleep. Or I will refresh my Facebook or other blog pages hoping for communication from the ether rather than picking up the phone. I make excuses to stay in rather than reasons to go out. I say "no" rather than "yes" too often.

Right at the beginning of the BES process, I completed the Advanced Workbook, designed to give me a space to articulate and write down my goals and commitments for the BES Challenge. I reproduced some of what I wrote at the time here. I was asked to come up with 2-3 changes I would make in ten key areas of my life. Although there are changes that I have successfully made (eg taking better care of my skin, cease all technology use at least one hour before sleep, listening to my body regarding hunger and cravings, etc), there have been others that have distinctly fallen by the wayside. I think that revisiting those proposed changes will be a good start.

A good start to what, though? Overall, I would like to "own" my time. By that I mean that I want to choose my activities (or relaxation) rather than being forced into them through laziness, lethargy, tiredness etc. Obviously when you live in the world there are certain timetables that must be followed, certain chores to be done and there are times when you simply are too tired to do much more than flop into bed. I do, however, have quite a lot of "me" time, especially with work winding up over the summer holidays, and I plan to choose what I do more carefully. We only have so many minutes available to us in this life and, while I recognise that I can't learn how to do everything, experience everything, feel everything, I can make positive choices about what I do, experience and feel.

This is my new commitment to myself.

Thoughts can snowball into ideas, which then begets passion, which can result in action. Will this thought snowball?

Current weight: 74.7kg (-7.4kg)
Current body-fat percentage: 36.0%
Current feeling: Rejuvenated